Tens of thousands spice up their love lives -- but not with - WDRB 41 Louisville News

Tens of thousands spice up their love lives -- but not with their spouses

Posted: Updated: Feb 14, 2013 04:26 PM EST

LOUISVILLE, KY. (WDRB) -- Tens of thousands of married men and women are looking to spice up their love lives this Valentine's Day -- just not with their spouses.

It may sound surprising, but there are more than 35,000 members near Louisville on a website specifically designed to help you cheat.

For years, musicians such as Hank Williams with "Your Cheatin' Heart" have belted out the blues of broken hearts.  Carrie Underwood even sings about swinging her sorrows out with a Louisville Slugger.

Temptation is everywhere, and some just can't resist, especially when it's right at their fingertips.

As Biderman, the founder of ashleymadison.com explains, "We approach an affair with two critical components being in place: meeting someone and helping you not get caught."

He's been called "The King of Infidelity" and "The Most Hated Man in America."  His big success is his dating website for married people.

"I think you can sit there and point fingers at me," he says, "and want to vilify me and Ashley Madison, but I promise you if we shut it down tomorrow in Louisville and stop letting people log in to our site, we wouldn't stop a single affair from happening, they would just find different outlets to pursue it with."

His company motto says, "Life is Short Have an Affair." His website is a tool, making it easier and more convenient to cheat.

Sally Connolly, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says, "The first time I heard about a website like this I thought, 'What?'"  She is appalled, but not shocked.  Some of her clients have used sites like Ashley Madison to cheat:  "Today, more and more affairs happen because of technology."

WDRB's Rachel Collier created an undercover account to see what the website was all about -- meet Lisa Brown, 35, married -- and lookin' for love.

Some of the men got down to business quickly.  Many messages were so inappropriate, we can't share them.  But their profiles can be very revealing.

But you get the idea by just checking out their profiles:

"Let's face it, why are any of us on this site? We are all looking for something different than what is at home."

"In a marriage that is great, except she has no sex drive and no imagination....I want to try everything!"

"I'm looking for a woman that can satisfy me sexually. My wife has basically abandoned that and I cant wait to get it back."

One guy cuts to the chase -- "I am in need of a bang buddy!"

Others admit they're happily married and don't want to leave their wives, but are just looking for a good time.  Connally says, "And people are looking for what's different, what's missing, and how can they bring that spark, that excitement, that sex, that newness back into their life."

From healthcare executives to men in their sixties, they were interested it seems, in one thing.


Discretion is key for many members using the site, until they gain your trust.  Then they'll send you a key to unlock a private showcase, which many times includes sexually explicit photos.

Ashley Madison provided membership data for our area.  Within a 50-mile radius of Louisville, there are more than 36,000 members.

The site even offers a section to select what sexual "experiences" you'd be willing to try.  Connolly says what seems like a harmless adventure may not turn out to be so easy and carefree:  "Often, it isn't just a one night stand.  It's amazing to me that these relationships that are intended to be just a sexual fling turn into have some emotional overtones and connections."

Connolly says that's when "Your cheatin heart will tell on you," as the song says.  "So spouses will find out by tripping over an email, or seeing something in texting, or checking a credit card."

Some men even divulged how they get away with cheating -- separate credit cards, private email addresses, secret meeting spots.

Connolly sees infidelity all too often in her field of work, and knows the pain it can cause.  So, she says, if you've got cheating on your mind, talk with your spouse before acting on the impulse.

But Biderman says, he'll always promote cheating.  "I would advocate for the affair, I would tell them to try something on the side before they leave all those great things behind like raising children and sharing economic values and extended family love, all those things."

For those who have been through the heartache, Connolly says there is a silver lining:  "For some couples, especially if there's just been, just been one affair. they say it's almost been a gift to our marriage because it's awakened us to what's been missing."

Interestingly enough, Ashley Madison sees a spike in memberships specifically on two days of the year.  Many women join the day after Valentine's.  Men tend to join after Father's day.

Connolly says this is because they feel underappreciated after those holidays.

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