If Kentucky Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes, a Democrat, decides to run against incumbent Republican Mitch McConnell for the U. S. Senate next year, her announcement might go something like this ... if she is completely candid.
The scene: a Lexington hotel ballroom. Grimes steps to the microphone. She speaks in a strident, yelling style, flails her arms wildly, and repeatedly refers to herself in the third person:
"When ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES ran for Secretary of State she said she would serve out the full four-year term! But now ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES is running for the U. S. Senate!
"ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES wants to break the first promise she made to the people of Kentucky! Help her do it!
"Mitch McConnell is an obstructionist! He blocks the agenda of the man ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES supported for President – Barack Obama!
"Obama lost Kentucky by 23% last year! Kentuckians obviously do not like his liberal agenda! But in Washington, ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES will help Obama pass things Kentuckians oppose!
"Beating Mitch McConnell will give Obama a better chance of getting higher taxes, more deficit spending, more anti-coal regulations, national gay marriage, gun control, and amnesty for illegal immigrants!
"Mitch McConnell is always a roadblock, except when he does bipartisan deals to keep the country from going over a fiscal cliff, or works across the aisle on national security or voting reform issues, or engineers a great tobacco buyout for Kentucky, deals with dangerous chemical weapons at the Bluegrass Army Depot, or is an international leader on Burma.
"Kentucky should replace the most powerful legislative leader it has had in Washington in over a half-century with a rookie! Why should Kentuckians have one of their own at the very highest levels of government when they can have an irrelevant novice like ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES!
"ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES' first act in office was to reward her campaign contributors by making them Kentucky Colonels and sending them thank you notes on state stationery at taxpayer expense! And in her brief time in office, ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES has actually helped pass into law part of a bill she supported!
"Women demand equal respect, rights, and treatment. But you should vote for ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES just because she is a woman!
"Mitch McConnell wants to keep women's taxes low, help their small businesses prosper, create jobs for their young adult children, protect them from Obamacare's higher health insurance premiums, safeguard their Second Amendment rights, and has always been strongly pro-life, but we liberals call that being anti-woman!
"He may be married to a brilliant, accomplished, and strong woman who personifies the American Dream, but he is still a man! And an old man, too! He is about the same age as Ronald Reagan was when he became President, and we all know how badly that worked out!
"Mitch McConnell is also a bully! He read Ashley Judd's book and actually talked about it at a confidential campaign meeting! Ogre! Cad! Plus, Dale Emmons says the word "bully" poll tests great!
"Standing behind ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES on this stage are her two ethical exemplars in politics – her father, former state representative Jerry Lundergan, and their family friend, former President Bill Clinton. Prosecutors could never make anything stick against either of them!
"The Senate candidacy of ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES is uniting Kentucky Democrats. Even Governor Steve Beshear is on board, but only because her candidacy might help his son Andy's Attorney General prospects!
"The better qualified Democrats passed on this Senate race. So ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES is all there is!"
The crowd begins rhythmically chanting, "Alison Lundergan Grimes! Oh, my!" to the tune of "Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!" from the Wizard of Oz. The camera fades out.
Her announcement could be the high point of any Grimes campaign. Regardless of whether she runs for the Senate, however, she will likely get to serve out her four-year term as Secretary of State just as she said she would.
John David Dyche is a Louisville attorney and political commentator for WDRB.com.