DYCHE | Mad Men's Don Draper Helps Grimes - WDRB 41 Louisville News

DYCHE | Mad Men's Don Draper Helps Grimes

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By John David Dyche
WDRB Contributor

Jon Hamm is among the many Hollywood liberals who have made the maximum contribution to the U. S. Senate campaign of Kentucky Democrat Alison Lundergan Grimes. Hamm, of course, plays the amorous advertising executive Don Draper in the award-winning television show Mad Men.

Grimes is no doubt glad to have Hamm's money, but Draper's savvy marketing skill would be much more valuable to her. Imagine if she could get it. If Grimes and her entourage traveled back in time to the fictional offices of Sterling Cooper & Partners the meeting might go something like this:

OPENING: Mad Men's famous "falling man" opening credits roll over its distinctive "A Beautiful Mine" theme song. The camera dissolves to the bustling ad agency in midtown Manhattan.

SCENE: Fashionably attired Alison Lundergan Grimes, her wide-eyed father Jerry, and their old family friend former President Bill Clinton step off the elevators and into the lobby of SC&P. Buxom, red-headed office manager Joan Holloway ushers them into a conference room where they greet Don Draper, Roger Sterling, and Pete Campbell. Clinton leers and takes the seat directly opposite Joan.

ROGER: Welcome! Since we are talking about Kentucky, how about a bourbon?

CLINTON (winking at Joan): You guys are smoking. Got any cigars?

DON: What brings you folks from the Bluegrass to the Big Apple?

GRIMES: I'm running for the Senate against Mitch McConnell. He's a Republican and just an awful man who is blocking President Obama's progressive agenda.

JERRY: Obama is about as popular as head lice back home. Same goes for our fellow Democrats Harry Reid in the Senate and Nancy Pelosi in the House. Kentuckians don't cotton to these Washington liberals, but McConnell keeps tying Alison to them.

GRIMES: The truth is, I would almost always vote like Obama wanted. I would back Reid for majority leader. And I fancy myself as kind of a Kentucky version of Pelosi.

DON: So you need an ad campaign to convince Kentucky voters that you are not what you really are.

PETE: I like McConnell. He's the guy who gets things done, especially when the country really needs it.

ROGER: And why would Kentucky kick out the most powerful person it has had in Washington since the 1950s?

JERRY: It doesn't help that Alison was an Obama delegate at the convention and is raising money from anti-coal people, gun control people, and Hollywood liberals whose values are completely opposite from those of the average Kentuckian.

CLINTON: I carried Kentucky twice and am living proof that you can get people to believe anything. You can lie – even under oath – and get more popular! People are suckers, right, Don? That's what guys like you and me count on, isn't it?

DON: We need a story. No, we need a dream. People would have to be dreaming to see you as anything but an Obama backer. So we'll put you in another girl's dream. It will take people back to their childhoods and help them forget this lousy Obama economy.

ROGER: Joan, get Peggy!

CLINTON: Peggy? Is she an intern?

DON: Remember when you were a kid? The Wizard of Oz movie came on only once a year? It was a big deal. You cried if you missed it.

PETE: I always wanted one of those flying monkeys.

DON: In our ads Alison will be Dorothy. The background music will sing "Alison Lundergan Grimes" to the tune of "Follow the Yellow Brick Road." Alison will be skipping down a golden pathway to Washington with Harry Reid as the Tin Man and Nancy Pelosi as the Cowardly Lion.

PEGGY: What about the Scarecrow?

DON: Joe Biden, obviously. They are going to see the great Wizard of Obama, but will have to get past the Wicked Mitch first.

PETE: But the Wizard of Oz was a fraud.

DON: So is Obama. People are finally seeing behind his media curtain.

ROGER: And the Wizard went away after Dorothy arrived.

DON: We have to hope those hayseeds believe Obama will go away when Alison gets to Washington.

CLINTON (biting lower lip): I like you, Draper. We're a lot alike. We grew up the hard way, and lied our way to the top. We're amoral, but everybody hails us as great men. The worse we treat women, the more they go gaga!

DON: We need a good witch, too.

BILL: Easy. Hillary.

DON: And we need a Toto. Someone to yap at McConnell like an annoying little dog.

PEGGY: Who's this guy Matt Bevin?

FADE OUT.

John David Dyche is a Louisville attorney and a political commentator for WDRB.com. His e-mail is jddyche@yahoo.com.

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