LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Rather than jam up Twitter with every mundane thought that enters my mind during today's Super Bowl telecast, I am entering them here, in one large, shall we say, dump.
I would put the percentage of the Super Bowl that I ever get to see or hear at about 15. Kids argue. Discuss commercials. Yell about who is to clean the kitchen. At the moment, there's what I'm sure is a very touching celebration of veterans. All I can hear is a YouTube video.
You've been warned. In honor of Puppy Bowl (and its competitor, Kitten Bowl), I have turned by Twitter account over to a Puppy. Follow it over @ericcrawford on Twitter. Let's roll.
5:59: Odds Peyton Manning has ever opened a car door with a coat hanger (as pictured in Papa John's Pizza commercial) 500-1.
6:01: When I play in the Super Bowl, I will write cliches on a chalkboard.
6:02: What's the difference between a Pregame Show and a Prekick Show?
6:05: I wish I had Troy Aikman's jaw line. And ability to throw a football.
6:12: I guess the Super Bowl is the new Fourth of July. Lots of America stuff. The "Peanuts" commercial had Schroeder playing the National Anthem. Fifty bucks says its better than whatever rendition we get for the game. I need to improve my attitude. It's why I'm off Twitter. Okay, starting now, I'm going to go into this with a more positive attitude. But, really, you do a "Peanuts" Super Bowl commercial and don't have Lucy and Charlie Brown kicking a football?
6:24: Renee Fleming's National Anthem. Just beautiful.
6:28: Coin toss. Joe Namath's coat just won Super Bowl XXVIII. Joe's hammered. He tried to throw the coin before anyone called it. Heh. Nice line by Joe Buck: "Joe Namath the only guy who wishes it was colder."
6:30: Rob Riggle doing a Ford Fusion commercial. He's was born in Louisville, but grew up in Kansas. Had a great role in The Hangover (the "in the face" cop). Also was in the "booze cruise" episode of "The Office."
6:34: Safety to start the game! Seahawks lead 2-0. I approve this message. Best start to a Super Bowl ever. What did a prop bet on an opening-play safety pay? Anyone?
6:39: The magic of Twitter. Prop bet on a safety as the first play from scrimmage in a Super Bowl -- 6000-1. Think about that? Anyone have that? Email firstname.lastname@example.org if you do.
6:53: It's been 19 minutes and I haven't seen much worth commenting on, except Jesse Pinkman from "Breaking Bad" in a movie trailer, and John C. Reilly's voice now on a TurboTax commercial.
6:55: I think it's becoming a football law. If you throw incomplete on first down, you immediately run on second.
6:56: Russell Wilson rolls on third down, completes to Golden Flakes for first down!
6:58: Another third-down conversion pass from Russell Wilson. Hmmmm.
6:58: Did Troy Aikman really just use the phrase "natural rubbing action?"
7:02: John Fox challenging a clear forward pass. Loses. Charged a timeout. Poor.
7:05: I like Ellen Degeneres, but that commercial was whack.
7:08: And now, U-2 with its new free iTunes download song, Zzzzzzzzz.
7:10: So far, Time of Possession: Seattle — February. Denver -- 2 minutes.
7:12: Peyton Manning, what is he doing? Goodness. Seattle interception. Is this part of a commercial or something? Seahawks setting up in Broncos territory. Field goal forthcoming.
END OF FIRST QUARTER: Seattle 8, Denver 0.
7:20: I feel left out. Nobody is paying me to Tweet the link to U-2's free iTunes download.
7:21: I do have to give a hat tip to Radio Shack making fun of itself for being outdated.
7:22: Pass interference in the end zone. Somehow, the ball at the 2 doesn't seem a fair enough penalty.
7:23: First TD of the Super Bowl. Marshawn Lynch scores up the middle. Seattle is up 14-0. Extra point (will we still have them in next year's Super Bowl?) It's 15-0. Or 1-0 if you're using the soccer scoring method.
7:25: If only Tim Tebow had come on during his commercial and said, "Hey Denver, how's it working out?" So far, that's my clubhouse leader for best commercial. The selfie with Bigfoot? Win.
7:27: I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to watch this halftime concert.
7:30: Denver's first first-down of the game.
7:36: Penalty on Denver -- Tripping. You bet they're trippin!
7:37: A screen to Jacob Tamme? Is Joker Phillips calling these plays. (Love Tamme, though. Good people.)
7:38: Pick six!!! Tipped ball, Seattle's Malcolm Smith cradles it, runs it back for the score. Seattle up 22-0. Goodness. I'm starting to feel sympathy pains for Peyton Manning.
7:46: Denver dodges a bullet. Gets to keep its kickoff runback. Daughter Katie: "They still haven't scored?" Son Jack: "It's kind of sad, really." Youngest son Henry: "Is anything else on?"
7:53: Just over a minute left in the first half. Denver facing a big fourth and 2. Broncos will go for it. Pass was tipped, Manning lucky it wasn't picked off and taken the other way. Manning will finish the first half 17 of 23 for 104 yards and TWO interceptions. He's one of the best ever, but you have to wonder how much that first half and those two picks played with his head.
7:58: HALFTIME. Seattle 22, Denver 0. Anyone have that?
8:05: Well this is just great. Any chance I can just watch Seinfeld reruns for two hours instead of the second half of this game?
8:07: Kids have an innate sense. Anytime something comes on that I want to hear, they start talking. Actually, youngest son was chanting "Re-you-nion" during the Seinfeld bit.
8:08: I've seen about enough of Kevin Bacon. But, since it's a Fox show and I work for a Fox affiliate, I won't say that.
8:09: Apparently, the University of Kentucky bought a local Super Bowl spot for the Lexington and/or statewide market. Did anyone catch it in Louisville? Here's a look at the YouTube.
8:23: Quick scan of Twitter: Bruno Mars is going to come away from his halftime performance a winner. At 28 years old, the youngest halftime headliner in Super Bowl history. Also, at 5-5, he's two inches taller than Prince. But, and this is very important, he is no Prince.
8:25: Did you happen to catch WDRB's local Super Bowl spot at halftime? Give it a watch sometime in the second half. Something tells me you're going to be looking for something to keep your interest. (And I know, I look like a hobbit. What can I do?)
START OF SECOND HALF
8:32: Oh, Percy.
8:42: Richard Sherman interfered with on a deep shot by Manning. One play later, Kam Chancellor blows up a Welker completion. All going Seattle's way right now. Defense wins championships, ever heard that? (I believe I mentioned it to Rick Bozich on our Wednesday webcast. You can look it up.)
8:52: We've officially entered the time when the Super Bowl is no longer interesting. Denver gets the ball back down 29-0. A good series by UK products Wesley Woodyard and Danny Trevathan.
8:53: Hillary Clinton just Tweeted: "It's so much more fun to watch FOX when it's someone else being blitzed & sacked!"
8:54: Malcolm Smith just recovered a fumble by Demarius Thomas. Game over. It's been a good run Denver. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
9:00: WDRB's Tom Lane just Tweeted that he'd forgotten about these old school Super Bowl blowouts. Surprising coming from a Buffalo Bills fan.
9:01: On the upside, this could be the most-anticipated episode of "The New Girl" in the show's history.
9:02: Russell Wilson has better protection from the Denver pass rush than I got from a bunch of characters in Mascot Bowl VII. Especially that Mellow Mushroom dude.
9:03: And another touchdown. "Just terrible defense," Aikman says. Wesley Woodyard missed tackle. Seattle now up 36-0.
9:06: Quick poll of kids. Henry: "How did the Broncos get to the Super Bowl?" Jack: "They are not doing well."
9:07: How do you think the San Francisco 49ers feel right about now?
9:12: Denver scores. Room applauds. Now that Broncos have scored, time for kids to go to bed.
FOURTH QUARTER: Seattle 36, Denver 8
9:20: Every 20 minutes or so, someone comes onto Twitter and says, "WE HAVE A WINNER ON SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS." And I don't know what they're talking about.
9:22: Wilson with a 22-yard completion down the middle to Jermaine Kearse. And the Seahawks are in one play later. I like that they aren't just pounding it to run out the clock. Keep pouring it on. Overpusuit by Woodyard on the TD pass. Can we have a running clock?
9:32: I really can't believe how many people think NFL football is the end-all of sports. Whew. And not just because this game stinks. How long do these games have to be?
9:34: I wonder if I still have Auburn and Florida State on my DVR.
9:35: Or Auburn and Alabama. Seattle takes over on downs.
9:36: Scarlett Johansson. Things are looking up. And then she gives us a grammatical error. "Less bottles?" Fewer bottles. Nothing is going right!
9:38: I suppose this is a good time to feel happy for friends in Seattle. My brother, Joe, moved there to host a morning radio show. I'm sure this has been a fun time for him. You can listen to his show here. Also my predecessor as columnist at The Courier-Journal, Jerry Brewer, is a columnist at The Seattle Times. I'll always be grateful to Jerry. If not for his next-level talent, I'd never have gotten a shot to write a column for the newspaper I grew up reading.
9:44: Major snafu here. Time Warner Cable in Los Angeles lost its feed of the Super Bowl for nearly an hour. Can't begin to imagine the money involved in that screw up. USA Today reports.
9:55: Congrats to former University of Louisville football players Breno Giacomini and Greg Scruggs, who will receive Super Bowl rings as members of the Seahawks.
FINAL: SEATTLE 43, DENVER 8.
9:59: The game ends by 10 p.m., and that helps redeem it somewhat. What do you say about this kind of rout? I guess I've become jaded about the whole event. The commercialism. The over-the-top hype. That's what makes it the quintessential American event. Congrats to the Seahawks. More to come on WDRB.com. And U of L football coach Bobby Petrino will join WDRB in the Morning to talk about the game, and his early days on the job as Cardinals' coach. Thanks for reading. Now let's go and speak of this never again.