UPDATE (5/7/14): After contacting NASA employees and informing them of this letter, we received a request that a Snow Fox be sent to the space agency! No, it's not a launch, but it's one step closer to Snow Fox's goal! Keep the dream alive! Share this with your friends! #SendSnowFoxtoSpace
May 5, 2014
National Aeronautics and Space Administration
Johnson Space Center
2101 NASA Pkwy
Houston, TX 77058
To Whom it May Concern:
First off, congratulations on over 50 years of manned space flight. That whole moon landing thing was awesome.
It has come to our attention that human beings aren't the only crew members aboard the International Space Station. We're told that one small, furry artificial creature (we eschew the term "stuffed animal") launches aboard a Soyuz capsule with every fresh crew. Serving as "weightless indicators," these "artificial creatures" bravely hang from the ceiling of the capsule during launch, and then float lazily during orbit, alerting the astronauts and cosmonauts to the presence of zero gravity.
We wanted to let you know that the status of "weightless indicator" is widely respected among the artificial creature community (again, they don't refer to themselves as "stuffed animals" unless they've recently had a four-course meal at the buffet) and we know that only the best, the bravest and those with the highest level of integrity (not to mention the appropriate mass) would be allowed anywhere near a space suit.
With that in mind, we would like to inform you that the WDRB Snow Fox would like to formally apply for the job.
The WDRB Snow Fox believes he would be perfect for the role. As the mascot for WDRB, the WDRB Snow Fox makes a living during the winter months, alerting children in Louisville and southern Indiana (commonly referred to as "Kentuckiana") to school closings caused by snow and other winter weather. It's a job that requires the highest level of integrity, not to mention meteorological knowledge, but the Fox read a book on it once, so we know he knows what he's doing.
As you can imagine, there isn't much snow in the summer (we got that from the book too) so things slow down for Fox after winter. That's why we are contacting you on behalf of the Snow Fox to let you know he is ready for duty. (He'd write the letter himself, but he doesn't have opposable thumbs.)
What are his qualifications?
As part of his role as the WDRB Snow Fox, the Fox has already undergone extensive wilderness survival training, water survival training and claustrophobia-awareness training (see pictures at right.)
Additionally, because the Snow Fox works here at WDRB, he knows what it means to be part of a team. And while he's on the space station, he won't keep you up at night, since he doesn't speak (although he does tend to gesture and wave his arms a bit.) As for total volume, he measures roughly seven inches high and four inches wide, with a total mass of 3 oz.
We've spoken with Snow Fox extensively, and we can tell you he's ready to go. For the sake of the country. For the sake of world peace. For the sake of children everywhere, Snow Fox formally requests to be named a "weightless indicator" on any available Soyuz flight to the International Space Station.
We urgently await your response. Feel free to contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Live long and prosper.
Over and out.
Travis K. Kirchertkircher@wdrb.com