DYCHE | FOUND: The Missing Hillary E-mails - WDRB 41 Louisville News

DYCHE | FOUND: The Missing Hillary E-mails

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News: John David Dyche Opinion Graphic News: John David Dyche Opinion Graphic
By John David Dyche
WDRB Contributor

Hillary Clinton recently acknowledged that she had used a private e-mail account and a personal server to conduct both official and personal business when she was Secretary of State. She admitted to deleting 31,000 allegedly personal e-mails, but she and her staff alone made the determination of which ones to delete and which ones to surrender as public records. Here is a satirical look at what some of those deleted e-mails might say based on Clinton's shabby record as Secretary of State.

March 6, 2009

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Sergei@Kremlin.com

Sergei, so sorry about the bad translation on the red button I gave you. Just because my State Department cannot correctly translate a single Russian word please don't think we are incompetent! What difference does it make that we put the word "overcharged" on that silly thing rather than "reset"? I understand that you and Vladimir may be upset, but don't take it out on us by granting asylum to people who reveal our national secrets, invading your neighbors, or killing your political enemies. K?

HRC

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January 25, 2011

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Mubarak@Egypt.com

Hosni, do not worry. My judgment is that you and your government are stable, and I am going to say so publicly. Once I speak on the issue you should be safe and secure. Hang in there!

HRC

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February 11, 2011

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Mubarak@Egypt.com

Hosni, you're hosed. Sorry. Enjoy your retirement and if you need a good lawyer I can ask Lanny Davis to give you a call (if there is a phone in your cage).


HRC

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March 1, 2011

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Samantha@UN.com

Let's team-up to convince Barak to bomb Libya. So what if Bob Gates and Leon Panetta think it is a bad idea? We surely know more about war than those old codgers do! And forget about Congress. Let's just bomb Gadhafi. What could possibly go wrong?

HRC

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June 21, 2011

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Huma@Clintonemail.com

Huma, darling. Hated to hear about your Mr. Wiener problems! I had one of my own a few years back, you know! Why do these bad things happen to good gals like us? #SisterhoodOfTravelingPantSuits

HRC

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June 29, 2011

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Huma@Clintonemail.com

Google says hackers are targeting personal e-mail accounts of U.S. government employees. Let's send a State Department cable to all employees under my signature. Say, "Avoid conducting official Department business from your personal e-mail accounts." Business as usual for us, of course. Thx.

HRC

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August 16, 2012

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Ambassador@Libya.state.gov

Chris, again with the concerns about the security situation in Benghazi? We got your request last month for more security personnel. And now you want guard towers? Really? So you don't have your full complement of five security agents? What difference does it make? You're probably safer than I am with the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy always out to get me.

HRC

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August 30, 2012

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Huma@Clintonemail.com

Let's fire that Ambassador to Kenya who used a private e-mail account for "sensitive but unclassified" material. Ruin him. Does not apply to us, of course. "L'etat (Department), c'est moi!"

HRC

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September 1, 2012

From: hdr@Clintonemail.com
To: Huma@Clintonemail.com

Great news! You can work for the State Department and get a government salary at the same time as you rake in the dough doing "international consulting" and private gigs for Bill, me, the Foundation, and Bill's buddies! Your sweet deal is better than Whitewater and cattle futures put together! Who's ya sister!

HRC

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September 12, 2012

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: CherylMills@Clintonemail.com

Tell Barack and Susan to blame the attack on the video. Get that obsequious toady Ben Rhodes to fix those damn talking points. I am going to mention the video again when the coffins come back to Dover! They do not want to cross me on this! We can't handle the truth!

HRC

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March 15, 2013

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: SleazySidBlumenthal@aol.com

Just heard that horrible hacker Guccifer accessed your account! That's awful! He may have gotten some of our prior correspondence, including the attachments, but please don't stop sending me juicy tidbits! Forever grateful for your help sliming that horrible girl and my current boss. xox

HRC

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May 8, 2013

From: hdr22@Clintonemail.com
To: Bubba@Clintonemail.com

Bill, I think I will just tell the committee, "Was it because of a protest or was it because of guys out for a walk one night who decided that they'd they go kill some Americans? What difference at this point does it make?" I think that will go over OK, don't you? God knows you've gotten away with so much worse.

P.S. DO NOT DARE FLY ON JEFFREY EPSTEIN'S PLANE AGAIN! IT'S MY TURN TO BE PRESIDENT AND IF YOU MESS IT UP FOR ME YOU WILL REGRET IT!

HRC

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(John David Dyche is a Louisville attorney and a political commentator for WDRB.com. His e-mail is jddyche@yahoo.com. Follow him on Twitter @jddyche.)

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