By John David Dyche
(with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
'Twas the week before session when all through the state,
Not a liberal was stirring, they awaited their fate.
The House chamber refurbished with new desks and new chairs,
In hopes Governor Bevin soon would speak there.
Conservatives were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of chairmanships danced in their heads.
Some Dems got appointments, and others just switched,
"They are buying the House!" Speaker Stumbo b----ed.
On the Capitol lawn there arose such a clatter,
The press corps looked up from its phones to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows they flew with intentions,
To tweet something snarky that would get lots of mentions.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a luster of midday to objects below,
When what to their wondering eyes did display,
But a man taking selfies with nine children at play.
Their loquacious father was so clearly in love,
Gerth knew in a moment it must be his guv.
More rapid than eagles his courtiers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Hampton! Now, Pitt! Now Heiner and Brickman!
On, Tilley! On, Chilton! On, Landrum and Brinkman!
"To the top of the polls! To national attention!
To a prime time speech at the national convention!"
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
From the first to the third floor his coursers they flew,
With a budget austere, barren of anything new.
And then, in a twinkling, they heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each lobbyist’s hoof.
As Ellis fashioned his lede, and was turning around,
Down the hall Stivers came with a bound.
He ran into Bevin and bowed at his foot,
Hoover did likewise, though he was hard put.
A bundle of jobs Bevin had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His fundraising potential made Democrats wary.
His droll little mouth was always on the go,
It seems there is nothing he thinks he doesn’t know.
A remnant of Conway he still held tight in his teeth,
The 83 votes that beat Comer he had made into a wreath.
He had a broad face and receding hairline,
Now he would need some steel in his spine.
Stumbo was scared of losing his pelf,
So he attacked the new governor in spite of himself.
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Republican bills in committee were suddenly dead.
Bevin spoke lots of words, and went straight to his work,
When he shut down kynect the press called him a jerk!
At conventional wisdom he oft thumbed his nose,
But whatever he did his poll numbers rose.
Still needing the House he gave his trooper a whistle,
And flew away to campaign like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy session to all, and let's keep moving right!"
(John David Dyche is a Louisville attorney and a political commentator for WDRB.com. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter @jddyche).
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