Married for 62 years, Louisville couple struggling with months of separation due to COVID-19 restrictions

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WDRB) -- Bob and Martha Dermody have been married for 62 years but have spent the past five months separated due to COVID-19 restrictions.

In October, Martha Dermody began living at Episcopal Church Home on Westport Road because of her Alzheimer's disease. After the pandemic hit, the facility closed to in-person visitors as part of its safety guidelines.

For the last five months, the couple's interactions have been restricted to video chats, phone calls or talking through a closed window at the facility. Family members said they understand that keeping everyone safe is priority. However, they believe there could be a safe way to visit face to face.

"I just want to see her," Bob Dermody said. "Even with the mask on, social distancing and everything, that’s a lot better than standing in the parking lot and looking through a closed window trying to talk to her."

The Dermodys have five children, 14 grandchildren and their first great-grandchild on the way. One of Martha Dermody's daughters, Becky Phillips, said her mother's memory loss has caused her to often forget about the pandemic and to not understand why her family isn't coming inside to visit her. Bringing her home isn't an option, family said, because she would need 24/7 care.

"Alzheimer’s itself is a difficult beast, and I wouldn’t want anybody to go through it, but we’re there and we’re handling it," Phillips said. "COVID made it 10 times more difficult. Not being able to see her has made it 100 times more difficult."

"I just would like for her to remember me and remember who I am during the days we’ve got left in our life," Bob Dermody added. "She’s still recognizes me; she recognizes my voice, but, like I say, there are other members of the family she doesn’t remember.

"My biggest fear is that one of us is going to die before this mask and distance thing is over, and that’ll be it."

Laura Lamb, president and CEO of Episcopal Retirement Services, said she understands how difficult the COVID-19 restraints have been on residents, their families and staff members. She believes that those restrictions are the safest option for now, however.

"I start every day thinking about what I would do if this were my mom," she said. "We want families and residents to be together, so it's very difficult."

Episcopal Church Home was hoping to let residents visit with family members outside in July but had to cancel those plans after a staff member tested positive for COVID-19, Lamb said.

"We desire to reunite families with their residents. That's our goal," she added. "However, we are going to do that in the safest way possible.

"... It only takes one case, one occurrence to —in a nursing home setting — to spread, and we are responsible for the care of our residents first and foremost."

Still, Martha Dermody's family said they believe there could be a way to safely visit outside without having to talk through a window.

"I’d just like to have some time with her face to face, or mask to mask, whatever it is," Bob Dermody said.