LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WDRB) — The winner of this year's NCAA Inspiration Award is Trey Moses, a former Ball State University basketball player from Louisville.
After a lifetime of battling mental health issues, Moses has made it his mission to let people know it's OK not to be OK.
"I actually remember writing a letter to one of my friends, saying I didn't want to be here anymore," Moses said.
Moses first experienced profound sadness in seventh grade, and it followed him to Eastern High School.
"I had everything that I could want," Moses said, "and, looking back now, it's like that perception that just because you have it all, doesn't mean you can't struggle."
After graduating from Eastern in 2015, Moses went to study and play basketball at Ball State and the sadness followed him to Muncie, Indiana.
“It's just hard being who I am,” Moses said. "As an athlete, as a black male, we're supposed to be tough.
"For me, I was so good at hiding it," he added. "My parents had no idea. My friends had no idea."
A counselor at Ball State discovered Moses was battling severe depression. Moses began weekly counseling and was hospitalized twice that year for not feeling safe.
"Speaking up and telling people you're not OK or you're really sad today is really important," Moses said. "I wish I would have just told a counselor or told my parents, because I would have gotten the help I needed a lot earlier."
In the summer of 2016, freshman Zach Hollywood of Bourbonnais, Illinois, joined Moses on Ball State's basketball team, and the two became instant friends. Both were special education majors who liked the same music, and they shared struggles with mental health.
Hollywood’s mother died that August at age 49, and Hollywood struggled with the loss.
Zach Hollywood
A year later, though, Hollywood was doing better, and he and Moses were excited for the new season and to celebrate Moses' 20th birthday.
"You know, I looked at him that night and thought, 'Wow, he looks so happy. He looks like he's starting to turn that corner,'" Moses recalled.
Hollywood left the party a little early; they all had class the next day.
“I hugged him bye," Moses said. "We both said, 'Bye, love you.'"
Moses woke up to four missed calls and two voicemails from Hollywood and decided to check in on his friend after morning classes.
"I get there at like 12:15 to his house," Moses said. "And this was the day after my birthday — Aug. 22 — and I found him."
Hollywood had committed suicide.
"He tried to tell me. He tried to call me," Moses said. "For a while, I felt so much inside that it was my fault.
"Grief, in general, is hard," he added. "Losing someone you're so close to is hard, and the way I did — and the way I had to find him — was even harder.”
After losing his friend, Moses returned to counseling and sought comfort from teammates. When dealing with intense grief or trying to comfort someone going through it, he shared this advice: "I always tell people to listen rather than to speak. So, just asking, like, 'Would you like my opinion, or would you just like to talk?' And, a lot of people just want to be heard.
"A lot of people just want to talk, and I think that's important for people," he added. "So, for me, if I were to tell you I'm sad, and you just allow me that chance to talk, it's like, ‘Wow! She cares enough for me to be able to talk, and she's going to sit and listen to me.'"
Next, Moses decided he could save lives by sharing his story.
“The biggest thing I always say is, ‘It's OK not to be OK,'" he said. "I think it's important to hear it from someone like me. I'm not a person who feels like I have a lot of value as a super big celebrity, but knowing that I am a pro basketball player, a college graduate and I came from this gym — this school ... If I can just inspire someone in the crowd to see it's OK to not be OK, because that's better than not being here.”
After graduating from Ball State, Moses went to play basketball professionally in Bulgaria and currently plays in Australia. Whenever he has a break, he speaks to groups about mental health, and people reach out to him on social media to share their struggles or ask how to help someone who's struggling.
"I love that people trust me enough — that they might not truly know me, but they saw my story — and know how caring I am and willing to help people," Moses said.
Moses was honored to receive the NCAA's Inspiration Award, which is given annually to a coach, administrator or student-athlete who, when confronted with a life-altering situation used perseverance, dedication and determination to overcome the event and most importantly, now serves as a role model to give hope and inspiration to others in similar situations. The real honor, he says, is the opportunity to save lives by helping people understand it's OK to not be OK.
"I know that everything I’ve gone through can impact other people if I just speak up," Moses said. "God has given me this amazing platform to speak on things I care about, so why would I be selfish and keep the everything I've gone through just to me? I feel like that's selfish if I don't try to help someone."
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