You're Not Alone, Parents: Tips For Keeping Kids Engaged, Active and Safe at Home

There are parents of small children, trying to work at home and parent at the same time. There are parents of school-aged kids, suddenly thrust into the role of teachers at home. There are parents who still must go to work, and need someone to look after their children. There are parents who have lost jobs, or lost income, and are worried about paying bills or buying groceries.

In Kentucky as elsewhere, parents are navigating through the major adjustments that come with businesses, schools, and so many other services being shut down as Americans stay safe at home waiting on the coronavirus pandemic to pass. Local playgrounds and athletic fields in city parks are even closed. And with social distancing being a necessity, parents can feel like they're all on their own.

Shannon Moody, senior policy director at Kentucky Youth Advocates — who in part helps facilitate Kosair Charities Face It Movement – wants to remind them they're not. "We should be utilizing the technology that we have in every creative opportunity available in order to continue to make connections and maintain those connections with our friends, family members, or neighbors," she says. Even amid these uncertain times, she adds, there are ways to foster a sense of community while keeping kids engaged, active, and safe.

Maintaining your mental health at home

Child safety may not always be top of mind in a pandemic that's sickened thousands of adults and left many, many others out of work. But among child advocates in Kentucky and elsewhere, it's a real concern. "You have a ton of stressors now being put on parents that were not previously there, which contribute to frustration and aggravation, all with such ambiguity in the world," Moody says.

"Nobody knows how long it's going to last. That further increases tension and stress and anxiety both within kids and family."

It goes beyond the potential for arguments and anger in the home, perilous enough to children as that may be. "For those parents who are maybe struggling with underlying mental health issues or substance use issues, it's easy for these situations to really exacerbate things," Moody adds. Child supervision can become an issue if a parent is dealing with a depressive episode, or is turning too often to alcohol or drugs to deal with the stress.

And the necessary social isolation can compound the problem. "These are issues that can be worsened if parents don't have somebody to turn to," Moody says. "Social isolation is a huge risk factor for child abuse and neglect." Families can stay connected with family and friends via video chat, and neighbors can even help minimize isolation by giving a neighborly wave or dropping off side walk chalk on a front porch as a family fun activity, she adds.

Resources for education and activity

Managing kids at home presents challenges of its own. Parents of school-aged children should be able to turn to teachers as a resource for tips on how to help their kids maintain some academic progress while stuck at home. There are also Facebook groups such as "Kentucky Parents in the Know" that share tutorials and lessons other parents or educators have recorded.

"There are definitely resources," Moody says. "It gets trickier if you are a single parent, if you might not have the ability to get online all of the time, or to reach out to those networks because you're just not aware of them. But there is support out there. It may not be as adequate as some folks want it to be, because we all have pretty high expectations for our kids, but there are avenues that can help."

Use the internet, which is full of videos of kid yoga, dance, and ballet, and live streams or video tours of museums, zoos, and aquariums — all of which might give mom or dad a few minutes to get some work done while the kids are watching. Assign kids chores based on age and ability. Look for resources available from the Kosair Charities Face It Movement and elsewhere for ideas about how to keep kids busy and engaged.

And get outside — play in the yard, go for walks, take advantage of good weather. "If it's 12 o'clock in the afternoon and you think 'I should be doing schoolwork' — well if that's the only opportunity to get outside, take them outside," Moody says. "You've got the entire day to do schoolwork with them. Over these next couple of months, the kids' mental health is more important than their academic growth."

The challenge of childcare

With schools and most daycares closed, childcare can become another danger area. While some facilities that serve medical professionals or other essential personnel remain open, many parents who can't work from home are scrambling. That can lead to relying on relatives, neighbors, or others who are available to watch children — most of whom lack the licensing and training of professional childcare workers.

"Often a quick turnaround is needed, however we still encourage parents to do some screening," Moody says. "Ask essential questions, get references, or phone numbers of people who have used them before. Meet them in person before the first time you drop your child off. You should have a conversation, and ideally safely meet face-to-face before utilizing them. And trust your gut — there are some folks we just get a bad feeling about."

Be aware of the "Ten-4 Bruising Rule" to be attuned to potential abuse red flags. And help your child protect themselves — if they're talking, make sure to speak with them about body boundaries and body safety. Make them aware of what's OK when other adults are in the room and what's not, and talk to them about what they've experienced each day. "There are a lot of (predatory) grooming behaviors that you can spot if you're aware of them," Moody says.

Give yourself some grace

It's a lot to demand of parents, of every type. No one knows how long this will last. So go easy on yourself, mom and dad. "You've got to give yourself some grace as a parent," Moody says. "You cannot have super high expectations. You need to make sure that you're giving yourself a little bit of grace and saying you're OK with it being a chicken nugget night."

Intentionally build in time for each other — one parent watches the kids while the other goes for a run, takes a bath, or just gets a break. Maybe wake up before the kids to take advantage of the quiet, or use the hours after they go to bed to unwind. And always remember that everyone is just doing their best to get through an unprecedented situation.

"There are going to be days that are not going to go the way you want them to," Moody says. "Often it's just saying, 'You know what? They're safe, they're fed, this is a successful day.'"

For nearly a century, Kosair Charities has worked to improve the health and well-being of children in Kentucky and Southern Indiana. For more information, visit their website at Kosair.org, or contact them by phone at (888) 454-3752. Donations can be made online, or by mail to Kosair Charities, PO Box 776857, Itasca, IL 60143.

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She adds, families can stay connected with family and friends via video chat, and that neighbors can even help minimize isolation by giving a neighborly wave or dropping off side walk chalk on a front porch as a family fun activity.